


feel the love and let it in

by kamunamis



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Birthday, M/M, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:40:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22936474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kamunamis/pseuds/kamunamis
Summary: mafuyu visits yuki's grave on his birthday
Relationships: Satou Mafuyu/Uenoyama Ritsuka, Satou Mafuyu/Yoshida Yuuki
Comments: 5
Kudos: 85





	feel the love and let it in

**Author's Note:**

> this....is very angsty i am so sorry but i lov them i miss yuki  
> happy birthday to mafuyu <3
> 
> thank u to tara for beta reading my fics like always

Mafuyu takes a deep breath before nervously walking towards Yuki’s grave, flowers in his hand. He doesn’t know what kind of flowers they are, he just picked carnations because that’s what his friends said when he asked what flowers represent death. Well, most of his friends. Ritsuka, a close friend of his that he thinks he might also be in love with, just looked at him skeptically before turning his attention to his book.

It’s his seventeenth birthday, the second one he’s spent without Yuki by his side. It’s also the first birthday that he’ll get to spend with Ritsuka once he gets back home. Ritsuka doesn’t even know he’s here right now, since he’s technically supposed to be at school. His mother gave him the day off though.

Mafuyu’s been thinking about Yuki a lot lately, especially now that he and Ritsuka are getting closer. He knows that Yuki would want him to be happy with Ritsuka, but deep down he’s still upset about losing his first love. He still regrets not being able to say goodbye, and although songwriting has helped him mourn and cope, it can’t fix the hole in his heart forever.

He’s never been to Yuki’s grave. Mafuyu didn’t end up going to the funeral, and the idea of visiting his grave had always unsettled him, but he hopes to talk to him for one last time.

“He’ll be glad to see you again,” Yuki’s mother told him when he visited her a few days before. “He won’t be able to tell you anything, but you can talk to him. It’s been more than a year, surely there is a lot to talk about.”

Mafuyu didn’t say anything back and instead thanked her for the tea she gave him.

He’s shaking as he steps closer and closer to the tombstone. He didn’t think that it would still hurt this much even a year later. 

Mafuyu crouches in front of the tombstone and places the flowers on the ground.

“Hi,” he says, choking up. He wants to back out, leave and never come back, but he’s already here. “It’s me.”

He pauses to slow his breathing down. It’s harder than he thought it was going to be. He feels like he should’ve prepared a script, but what do you even say to someone who’s dead? 

“I’m sorry,” he says softly. “I’m sorry for everything. I didn’t mean any of it, I’m sorry. It’s too late, but I hope you’ll forgive me wherever you are.”

“I met someone new,” Mafuyu continues. “Uenoyama Ritsuka. He taught me how to play the guitar.”

“Your mother gave me your guitar,” he chuckles, a tear streaming down his face. “Uenoyama-kun helped me tune it. He got frustrated every time I did something wrong, but I think I’m learning it and getting the hang of playing. I even joined a band, just like you. I took up songwriting while I was in the band. I don’t think I’ll ever be as good as you were though, at both guitar and songwriting.”

Mafuyu doesn’t remember much of Yuki’s lyrics, but he remembers the awe he felt when Yuki let him read through his notebook one time.

“I don’t have the guitar with me, otherwise I’d sing you the song I wrote, y’know, the weird song you were humming on the bus.”

Although he could sing acapella, his throat is already scratchy with the recent band practices, and also because he doesn’t want to cry anymore than he already has. 

Mafuyu reaches out and places his hand on top of Yuki’s name before pulling it away. “Remember what you told me at the beach?

“You might remember when you come to the ocean,” he recalls. “Of course I remember. The bus did pass by the ocean on the way here. Times like this are when I miss you the most, but I think I’m doing better now. Uenoyama-kun, I like him. I like him a lot. Maybe you would’ve liked him too.

“We’re not dating yet,” he says. “I think we might though. But you’ll always have a special place in my heart.”

He’s done talking. He’s not entirely sure what to say anymore, but he feels like he’s said enough. He stands up and starts walking away, but turns around one last time.

“I love you, Yuki. It won’t take me another year to visit you again, I promise,” Mafuyu says. He feels... _ better _ now that he’s talked to Yuki, even without him physically there, so he hopes that it’ll help him again if he visits at another time.

Later that evening, Ritsuka knocks on Mafuyu’s door.

“Hey, where’ve you been?” Ritsuka asks when Mafuyu let him in. “It’s your birthday, I wanted to see you earlier today, I have a gift for you, but you weren’t at school.”

“I was...elsewhere,” Mafuyu stutters. He doesn’t want Ritsuka to know about his visit to Yuki just yet.

“Oh, well, happy birthday!” Ritsuka laughs. He pulls a tiny box out of one of the pockets in his backpack before handing it to Mafuyu. “Open it.”

Mafuyu does as instructed, throwing the wrapping paper to the ground. He’ll pick it up later. The gift is a guitar tuner, one to clip onto his guitar before playing.

“So you won’t have to bother me every time it needs to be tuned,” Ritsuka laughs. “I’m joking though. I don’t mind the late night calls, but I thought that this would help whenever I’m too busy.”

Mafuyu smiles and pulls Ritsuka into a hug. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ritsuka says. “You’re welcome.”

They end up heading out to dinner with Haruki and Akihiko, and afterwards, they watch movies on Haruki’s couch until they pass out from exhaustion. It’s the best birthday Mafuyu’s had yet. Ritsuka makes Mafuyu happy, and Mafuyu hopes that he’ll get to spend even more birthdays with him. 


End file.
